Ego: An Enemy to Oneself and the Path to Liberation

Commentary on the text “Ellam Ondre” (All Is One) by Subramaniam Vijay R., Chapter Six, “Ego.”

O ego! All the evil arising in this world comes from you. Many kings and sages have created numerous laws and philosophical teachings in order to destroy you. How long have they already been trying to do this? But—alas! Remaining unharmed, you merely hide in order to manifest again and again. Has the time of your destruction not yet come? Yes, of course it has! Another subject has undertaken to kill you—it is the universal “I,” “Brahma aham bhava,” known as the experience “I am Brahman.”

O ego! Do not consider your enemy equal to yourself. You are subject to destruction, whereas He is indestructible. You are full of self-satisfaction as “I,” because you always see a difference between “I,” “you,” and “he.” But your enemy has no arrogant “I.” Why? Because He unites all differences, dissolves everything into Himself, and considers everyone to be Himself. You feel hostility toward Him because He has come to destroy you. But He bears no hostility toward you, for in His presence you cannot be seen. He considers you one of the parts of His body. In His proximity, you destroy yourself through your own falseness. And He would not even think of killing you, since from His point of view, you have no substance. O ego! Although He is your enemy, you are not an enemy to Him. It can be said more briefly: “You are your own enemy.”

Know that as soon as you embark on the spiritual path, it means that the universal “I” has decided to kill your ego. The scale here is entirely different: the count is measured in kalpas, for which the ego has existed. The ego is a symbol of illusion, of identifying oneself with the body, of being conditioned by the law of cause and effect, by the mind, and by everything that is dualistic. When there is ego, there is no Absolute; and when there is the Absolute, there is no ego. Therefore, the path of awakening will end with one or the other.

It is not the ego that is destroyed, but the very fact of its reality and of identification with it. This is like discovering that the naked king has no clothes: they were not there from the very beginning, but only now is this discovered. When our primordial nature reveals its radiance, the fact of the ego’s nonexistence is instantly revealed, and then we change our view of the world, of ourselves, and of being. Therefore, there is no need to make a special effort to try to kill the ego somehow, because most likely it will be that same ego contemplating how to kill itself.

We bring forth the light of primordial awareness, and what happens to the ego and other things is no longer our concern. The light of primordial awareness flares up in the moment of contemplation. When we develop the intention to place ourselves entirely under its authority, such a transfer of power takes place—self-transcendence.

The Ego’s Greed and Its Striving for Superiority

O ego! Although He is your enemy, you are not an enemy to Him. It can be said more briefly: “You are your own enemy.” Why? The matter is that because of your greed, wandering everywhere, you arise before this Great One. At that moment, your destruction takes place. Therefore, by consuming you and making you nonexistent darkness, the Universal Self reigns as the omnipresent Light.

O ego! There is no limit to the evil you cause. There is no pleasure greater for you than elevating yourself above others. There is no pleasure greater for you than humiliating others. There is no end to your desires: for you to be called the greatest of all names, for only beauty to be seen in your appearance, for everyone to worship you, for no one to contradict you, for everyone to think that there is nothing higher than you. Oh, how insignificant your life is! What thoughts do you have? How much evil you create! And yet you are still not satisfied with your thoughts or with separating yourself so completely from others. Why? Because all this is inherent in everyone. What share do you have in what millions of people possess? If so, then there is no reason for you even to think of bringing everything under your control.

Everything that differs from the Absolute, everything that occurs unconsciously in separation from absolute vision, we call ego. When experiences are torn away from absolute vision, this is ego; when they are inseparable from it, this is the energy of the Absolute.

How can one distinguish ego from the energy of the Absolute? When it is ego, we experience attachment, dissatisfaction, a narrowing and constriction of the mind; we submit to circumstances, experience heaviness and clinging, and generate the fear of losing and the hope of gaining. But when the experience is inseparable from the Absolute, none of this exists; instead, there is soaring, the greatest rapture, and the joy of liberation. There is no attachment whatsoever; there is total fullness of the experience of awareness. And everything perceived is seen as nondual, akin to a play, so there is always lightness and the illuminating light of presence.

A yogi who practices contemplation is one who learns to constantly reveal the light and track the impulses of their ego. By strengthening the light of their awareness, they become increasingly accustomed to relying on it, trusting it, and acting from it. By tracking their ego, they increasingly turn away from it.

The Path of Surrendering Yourself to the Universal “I”

Listen to my friendly advice. To tell you the truth, the one you consider your enemy is actually your true friend. He knows how to lead you to true well-being and greatness. Surrender yourself to Him. He will be merciful to you; He will not regard you as His enemy. He is the universal “I” (I am Brahman).

If you surrender yourself to Him (the universal “I”), then, no matter how hard you try, you will not immediately know what glory He has prepared for you. Nor will you learn it from me, whatever I may tell you. It will be the fruit of your own experience, which you will gain if you surrender yourself to Him. Without a doubt, He will not assign you some insignificant place; He will offer you a position no lesser than His own. Therefore, surrender yourself completely, and you will have no reason whatsoever to fear for your fate. You can always return if joy does not take hold of you immediately at the moment you find this refuge. Just as someone drinking milk first tastes it and, after drinking it, satisfies their hunger with great pleasure, so you, having reached His refuge, will first experience a pleasant feeling and then—as the fruit of attaining it—Perfect Bliss, which lies beyond the duality of pleasure and pain.

Primordial Being is absolutely perfect. Right now, there is a great ocean of nectar, a great ocean of light that does not depend on efforts or practices. Simply acknowledging this fact and surrendering completely to this ocean is already enough. Of course, at first it is difficult to understand how this is possible. And if we try to create certain models of such surrender, that will be yet another effort.

Such surrender is accomplished by letting go of oneself, by removing one’s own hopes and attachments. In other words, it is life in utmost simplicity, when, attuning yourself to great happiness, you feel satisfied from moment to moment and enter increasingly deeply into this satisfaction. Then this satisfaction will begin to grow into a universal flame that will blaze, melting the mind and even the bones.

True Greatness After Surrendering Yourself to the Absolute

After you reach this refuge, what will your new name be? There is no name other than your name. The Vedas exalt you; the praises of people are about you; you yourself are the essence of the teachings of all religions. And what will your form be now? All forms are yours. There is no form that is not yours. In temples, they worship you. In the Vedas, they speak of you. Festivals are celebrated for you. And what can your power be? Only in your presence does this cosmic order move. Through you, this and that, this way and otherwise, exist as they are. In short, everyone praises you and bears witness to you. They are obliged to do so. O ego, you had never even dreamed of such a position before. But now—go. Leave behind your arrogance. The universal “I” awaits your arrival.

Do you intend to awaken from the dream, or do you want to continue it? How long does what you see in a dream last? Leave behind drowsiness and laziness. Awaken! Being the witness of your own mental projections, why do you fantasize in vain, relying on them? Simply find the one who sees these projections.

Whenever the mind turns away from contemplation, it should always be told: “Why are you fantasizing in vain?” At the same time, one should not fight the mind’s fantasies. It is the nature of the mind to produce the energy of thoughts, and the nature of thought to flow. If we artificially block thoughts, this energy will most likely only accumulate, causing us excessive anxiety.

Therefore, we say that the flow of the mind and mental fantasies themselves are not something harmful. The point is that we stop considering them real and attributing the same significance to them as before. We know that they are like ripples on water. Allowing the thoughts and fantasies of the mind to manifest, we nevertheless never follow them. All our attention is totally focused on something else—the universal source of light. Moreover, our attention is focused with such completeness and wholehearted dedication that we simply have no interest in mental fantasies. Something is moving on the periphery, but why should we care?

The mind wants to fantasize while criticizing someone else, and we think: “Mind, why do you continue these fantasies? I will not support this. My task is to look at the light of unborn awareness.” The mind wants to feel sorry for itself, dream about pleasures in samsara and other things, and we say to it: “Mind, you may fantasize, of course, but you cannot fool me anymore. I will contemplate this primordial light because I know the price of your fantasies. They are called the ‘six realms of samsara,’ and they last only from birth to death.”

The Only Reliable Support

When we take such a position, suddenly all the mind’s fantasies and plans become completely devoid of value, even at their very core, and then we understand that apart from this light of the primordial “I,” we have nothing else; we have no solid ground beneath our feet on which we could rely. However, as our trust in this light grows, we feel that we have found the firmest ground possible, while all other ground is very unstable. This solid ground cannot be destroyed even at the moment of pralaya (the dissolution of the Universe).

Human relationships can fall apart, and your best friends can become your enemies. I have seen this more than once; there were even cases when monks who had eaten from the same plate sued one another. Your attachments can fall apart—I have seen this many times as well. A father and mother who love you dearly may even curse you if you follow the dharma. Your plans, hopes and other things may also collapse. Eventually, the vehicle of the ego—the body—also disintegrates.

As they develop, your meditative experiences may encounter obstacles, and instead of light and dhyana, hungry ghosts, foul visions and negative states may arise. This happens very often with hermits and meditators. Your kumbhaka may fail to develop, and padmasana may also let you down someday. I experienced this myself, striving to perform the techniques for ten hours a day over many months. And what will you do then? You will feel that you have failed. The entire meaning of your life will be threatened if you have sought to attain your goal through kundalini yoga alone or meditation technique alone. Your dreams of retreats may not come true. What will you do?

That which disappears is temporary, impermanent and unreliable. We, however, are speaking of that which cannot disappear and cannot be affected. It is that which already exists and has always existed, even before our birth. It is the flawless light of the primordial Wisdom of our “I,” which is already present right now. That is why you and I speak of the path of instantaneous awakening. And when we place our trust in this light, we suddenly see that even when we lose everything, we have lost nothing. As long as we have this light, we have everything, because it is the source. When we lose this light, however, even if we have the illusion of possessing many things, we in fact lose everything.

Awakening from the Dream

Do not deceive yourself by believing that you are anything that arises and dies within you. Wake up. As soon as you awaken, you will immediately know that there is nothing beyond this awakening. Get up! The universal “I” is waiting to enjoy your awakening. Do not be afraid that your present dream will end. Immediately after awakening, you will be able to see the same dream even more clearly.

Immediately after awakening, we can see all the reality that we thought we were afraid of losing. It will not disappear anywhere. However, we will see everything with perfect clarity and from a different position. Everything will remain: the trees, the cows, the stones. Nevertheless, everything will disappear, because now you yourselves will be the trees, the stones and other people.

You will not have to look at it as you do now, in deceptive intoxication. You will be an understanding, smiling witness to your dream. It will seem to you like a kind of joke, not a burden. In a dream, the images of your mind take form. Awaken and know your dream only as a dream. You must not deceive yourself by mistaking a dream for the waking state. Know this dream as a kind of fantasy. To do this, you must attain the state of “I am Brahman,” the universal “I.” I am addressing you for your own good, not out of self-interest. Should you not believe and act, and then turn away if there is no good in it? How can I help you if even this advice of countless sages is rejected by you as useless? There is no state higher than this. You will attain well-being. Others will attain well-being through you. But do not display your pride even in this matter! Act! The universal “I,” the Consciousness of “I am Brahman,” is your own essence.

O ego! Look at your servile position in this world. How pitiable it is! Everyone is opposed to you. As soon as you say, “This is mine,” others immediately say, “No, it is mine,” “No, it is mine.” You say, “I alone am great,” while others say, “Why? We alone are great.” Everyone except you is hostile to you. Because of the sorrows they cause you, your feverish imagination grows millions of times stronger. But will you not gain a high position by surrendering yourself to the One? And then all your enemies already bow to you respectfully and love you! As soon as you say, “Everything is for you,” everyone is unquestionably your friend. There is One who can bestow such generosity upon you. It is the state of “I am Brahman,” the universal “I.”

 

I will say only one word. This word does not arise from my pride. It is my duty to say it. I utter it not for my own good, nor for your good. For the good of all. The Truth is “Brahma aham bhava” — the Universal, “I am Brahman,” the “I.”

May the great light of Grace, the great Compassion, serve as our support!